72 Questions about the 72 virgins

The Palestinian homicide/suicide bombers from the Islamic Jihad, Hamas, and Arafat's terrorist groups that blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins when they reach heaven.

Martin Bodek has 72 questions on how this whole virgin thing works. Here are the top 10:

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?

I copy the full 72 questions below.

Dear Dr. Progressive
Posted May 20, 2002

Dear Dr. Progressive,

My name is Martin M. Bodek and my web site is http://www.martinbodek.com/. I have 72 Questions on the 72 Virgins that Muslims are rewarded with in heaven if they die in holy war. Could you please answer these questions for me?

Martin M. Bodek

(P.S. These questions are rated "R" for highly suggestive language and evocative imagery)

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?

Posted by David Melle
 Link to this page |   Email this entry |   digg this


in response to question 10.

that's expected of him. otherwise the virgins won't have anything to do with him.

seriously speaking therewas a typo in the re-writing of the koran. the word used i believe was huris. a change in accent in the word means the difference between 'doe eyes' meaning virgin and white raisin. white raisins were a valuable commodity in the ancient middle east. check out the article from ny times online at: http://www.nytimes.com/2002/03/02/arts/02ISLA.html

Posted by: choodak at July 2, 2002 09:16 AM

#36 is hilarious.

I'm still laughing !

Posted by: Cliff Dweller at January 17, 2003 02:24 AM

I have couple more questions:-
Do you have to do it in sequence or all at once ?
What do the 71 virgins do at their "spare" time ? They watch or they play ?

Why you need 72 ? From experience, 1 is already having enough problem,
with two, for sure you have
to make your choice, 72 ?
I can't imagine.

Posted by: Wai-Kee at April 4, 2003 10:07 AM

What if the suicidal mishigina is a girl. Does she get 72 guy vrgins. For that she doesn't have to kill herself. All she has to do is visit any High School. NO? Ok, make that a Junior High School.

Posted by: Stan Gershbein at April 12, 2003 10:50 AM

I've always wondered, if thes women have been virgins all their lives, why are they going to change their ways now. Paradise or punishment?

Posted by: Scott at June 25, 2003 03:56 PM

Here's two more:

1) When he uses up the 72 virgins, do they send for a replacement busload?

2) Can these gals get pregnant? Are they on birth control?

Posted by: Rob Preston at October 23, 2003 09:46 PM

Extending #36, is it possible that every dead jehadi gets seventy-year 72-year old vergins. that will be the ultimate reward [for his innocent victims]

Posted by: indiaguy at November 29, 2003 12:09 AM

LOL! It´s so stupid, do they really believe that they get 72 virgins? LOL!

Posted by: Hanna at February 23, 2004 05:53 AM

Instead of writing stupid comments why not u promote some peace.

Posted by: Martin at March 27, 2004 01:18 AM

Does the Quraan ever for sure that these are human virgins??
Wouldnt it be a blast if they were real but some ugly horrific beast?!

Posted by: Usaam at April 2, 2004 10:34 PM

Obviously - whoever thought hanging out with 72 virgins was a reward NEVER dated a real virgin.

And the worst part is, once you get there and are bored to tears with their yakky-yak; "I don't know if this will ruin our relationship.." and crying jags, you realize that you can't kill yourself to escape!

Posted by: Bean Bag at April 6, 2004 10:00 PM

ohhh look at those poor guys how innocent they are. if your so religious why do you fall into so much joy when tiy watch those terriosts bomb themselves on innocent isrealies? if you have problem with the government of isreal why do you take your anger on innocent isrealies?. what the fuck is the point of bombing and ending your life????? you did it for the land? i thought god created the earth for human not human for the earth. as far as i know we're on earth to live no matter what, not to kill ourselves and others thinking we're doing something good nevermind the 72 virgins lol.

Posted by: chaldeanguy at May 7, 2004 12:07 PM

Do they come with replacement parts?

Posted by: Osama at May 24, 2004 06:30 AM

Shut up all you atheists out there...

Posted by: None at October 11, 2004 07:38 PM

It is good to see that someone is applying some logic to the "Religion of peace." I have had many of these same questions myself.

Posted by: Crusher at October 19, 2004 08:05 AM

Im a muslim and no where in the Qur'an does it say ANYTHING about 72 virgins!

Posted by: Devout at November 11, 2004 04:03 AM

dear brother and sister u know how much sin u r doing by making laugh on this 2 virgins is for the person who has a imaan(belive)in the religion but if u have a bigger imaan (belive)like u r performing the things which Allah order'ed u can get more
there is nothing to do the virgin r not like an human they dont have th dirt which human has so plz mind u r tongue

Posted by: Shahrukh at November 21, 2004 10:59 AM

Is the Koran ordered thru Sears?

Posted by: boss at December 4, 2004 11:53 AM

It's unfortunate that so many treat such sickly info as a joke. All it takes is come clown promising the same piece of land to 2 different tribes of people to start never ending trouble since Biblical times.

To me it's pitiful that the so called martyrs lack education and the true understanding of what life really is. And it takes brilliant clowns with ulterior motives to make use of such existing gullible types to pull a rip court so that they can meet 72 virgins (By the way how old are the virgins supposed to be to qualify?)You mean to say there are no more virgins on Earth? Hmm......

Furthermore why look for WMD in Iraq when religion has already become WMD.

Posted by: disgusted at December 13, 2004 10:50 PM

why is it 72 and not more or less

Posted by: alishyalee at March 1, 2005 09:15 AM

Correction in #8:
Ménage à soixante-douze! (72) "Soixante-deux" is 62!

Posted by: Marilyn at March 6, 2005 05:48 AM

I thought they said '72 Virginians'...

Posted by: Jim at April 11, 2005 11:24 AM

Wouldnt it be fun if these dumb f#@% guys were to get 72 virgin (donkey) asses, instead of women...hahahah.

Posted by: INDIANGUY at April 29, 2005 03:49 AM

Do women even go to Islam "heaven"/"paradise" whatever they want to call it? I'd read the Koran when I was a teenager and I sure never saw anything like that in there otherwise I might be dead by now. Heck, my grandma used to say there wasn't a house big enough for TWO women, let alone 72! I can see this as being eternal punishment. There ya go: hen-pecked to death. Maybe the pharmacons should look to selling their Cialis & Viagra scripts to the terrorists with the warning they can do it till they go blind in Paradise! HAHAHAHAHA!

Posted by: desertrat at July 9, 2005 08:29 AM

what if the person wants a twosome ... how would the other 70 not become jealous ..of the lucky two .. LOL....

Posted by: Dharam Tathgur at August 16, 2005 04:43 AM

Its all very interesting... but does it say in the quran about the virgins or is this just made up for to tease?

Posted by: Phytin at September 5, 2005 07:47 AM

You see, this is just one religion. Christianity is just as stupid. God is a fairy tale. A bad one at that.


Read this website and it just might put some logic and reason into your narrow christian mind.

Posted by: at February 2, 2006 10:49 AM

For a religion of peace Islams kills a lot of innocent people....

Wait till the Bombers find out they lied about the 72 virgins, like they lie about being a religion of peace....

I wonder will they then try to blow up Muhammed?

Posted by: Somebody at February 10, 2006 09:18 PM

If the bravest of them blow themselves up, then who will be left to fight? Maybe the 72 virgins will be sent to fight!

Posted by: mike at February 21, 2006 12:24 PM

Religion is evil, simply because the very fact that it is based on a lie.
The hole concept of religion is obscure and frightening, because it is made up by people who wants power over other people, theese people call them selfs priests. They're frightening because they take advantage of our most inner fears and answers lifes most difficult questions.
Every "bible" will be full of errors simply because it is made up and written by normal people just like you and me, and more or less reflecting the time in when is was written.
But who can blame them, time is irreversible, and nobody can foresee the future, not even nostradamus with his very own "bible".

If people would simply face the fact that, when you die you are gone forever, and even as hard as we try, there is and will never be no answer to all our questions about lifes meaning and purpose.

And facing this is accually the only true meaning you will ever get in your life, simply because you will live a hole life, not pretending or lying to your self, because that would in the end make every minut of the life you have had, one big joke.

So start living a true life, with a true mind and a true heart, then we can start talking about peace.

Posted by: one human to another at February 27, 2006 01:08 PM

You more than explore and cover the absurdities of the 72 virgins thing.

My mathematical take was - you're in the afterlife with 72 virgins, three months go by and then how many virgins do you have left? Zero. How much eternity do you have left? Quite a bit.

Posted by: MaybeOneMore at March 10, 2006 05:55 PM

Actually, it'd be ménage à soixante-treize. There are 73 people involved, him and the 72 virgins

Posted by: uman at April 3, 2006 03:15 PM

When you die, you give up your physical body and physical pleasure. What good are 72 virgins when you do not have a penis anymore????
Let them explain that one to me.

Posted by: Larry at May 23, 2006 08:19 AM

Along with the 72 hotties you get 72 more penises, and an owners manual.

Posted by: Moe at June 7, 2006 12:26 PM

Why do muslim women put up with this crappy religion is beyond me. Don't they feel insulted that their husbands prefers to have 72 virgins in their afterlife? Why can't they wait fot their muslim wives to join them in heaven? Are muslim women so inferior?

Posted by: at July 19, 2006 02:33 AM

Where are the 72 Virgins supposed to come from? Do Muslim women get to apply for the job when they die? The "Virgins" are maybe reincarnated camels?? Could one of you guys find an Imaam (or is it I mam?) and get an answer?

Posted by: Dudley at July 22, 2006 08:55 PM

ok listen..that hadith is unauthentic. its actually 72 raisons not virgins according to most scholars.

Posted by: mizzLEBANESE at August 17, 2006 07:27 AM

Surely the whole idea of religion is flawed. If people only act in a charitable way, are kind, thoughful and pious for the rewards that they will eventuly reap in the next life or in heaven, does this not make them a bad person? I am an atheist and although I think people are entitled to their own faith, it seems to me that if I am a good person only because that is how I want to be, surely I am selfless in comparison to those who behave well for the prospect of life in paradise after this. If a child is well behaved due to the possibility of sweets at the end of the day, surely we would not see the child as well behaved and good if they must be bribed to perform well. Surely this is a paradox that nullifies the very basis of religion?

Posted by: Alex123 at August 30, 2006 08:59 AM

Chapter 10

"After this the Lord appointed seventy (-two) 2 others whom he sent ahead of him in pairs to every town and place he intended to visit."

"2 [1] Seventy[-two]: important representatives of the Alexandrian and Caesarean text types read "seventy," while other important Alexandrian texts and Western readings have "seventy-two."

I guess they have read the number 72 (sometimes 70) here. Those 72/70 have never been asked or told to have sex with moslems though.

Most of the time Mohammed's words made some sense, he used words from the biblical literature. He rewrote it though so it did fit the moslem perverts better. Only prophecies Mohammed made and is not afterwards proved false is that the moslems want to conquer the world and behead all non-moslems.

Posted by: Sven at September 19, 2006 04:46 AM

You do get 72 virgins - but you can't have sex with them !!

Posted by: TC at November 14, 2006 06:01 AM

i'd just like to point out a little mistake in #8, where this type of relationship is called "menage-a-soixante-deux":

Just like a "menage-a-trois" for a relationship with two other people (thus 3 people together), a relationship with 72 other people (thus 73 together) would be a "menage-a-soixante-treize".

A "menage-a-soixante-deux" (term used in #8) would be with 61 other people (where did those 11 other virgins go?)

Posted by: frenchie at November 22, 2006 07:36 AM

One thing im confused about is what happens if the sucicide bomber was a girl? does she get 72 virgin males...?

Posted by: Qwerty at December 27, 2006 05:43 PM

Screw Islam dude. I heard that Scientology is offering 78 strippers and an open bar for life. Sign me up!

Posted by: Thomas Crooze at January 5, 2007 10:46 AM

I have enough trouble with one, why bring in 72?
Laughing throughout reading the questions, great query's.

Posted by: Ashwin at May 11, 2007 01:38 PM

Posted by: Martin at March 27, 2004 01:18 AM
"Instead of writing stupid comments why not u promote some peace."

Booooo hoooo Martin, did someone hurt your whittle feelwings. Your comments are pretty stupid as well! So you're saying that if we show them a little peace they'll take off their bombs? This is a holy mission you moron. Do you really think they'll spare your arrogant neck? LOL

Posted by: Superpower at July 24, 2007 01:06 PM

This is just too funny

Posted by: at July 24, 2007 05:03 PM

The Islamic person that commented that the virgins are not mentioned in the Qur'an is correct.....It is however part of the teachings of Mohamed and holds almost as much weight as the Qur'an.
It is not required that you blow yourself up to get the virgins.....All believers that go to heaven will get them.

Posted by: Father Nature at August 5, 2007 06:27 PM

If you speak arabic like i do, you can read those incredible stories describing the Virgins (horias)and the beleiver in Heaven.

1- The horia will have a butt the size of one squeare mile.

2- The Moslem beleiver will have an ever erected male organ the size of a palm tree.

of course in the english translation those details were omitted to make islam more appealing

Posted by: George at October 10, 2007 01:34 PM

why comment on other religions ! live and let live . The terrorists are assoles and so are those few who mud-sling other religions.

Posted by: sinner at December 6, 2007 03:45 AM

Great list. When I am 110 and about to kick the bucket I will have to remember to run over a jewish cat on the off chance muslims are right!!!
How many bombers can you fit in a shower? I don't know, chunks keep sliding down the drain! Ha.

It is funny as hell to read all the nasty remarks by the overly zealous religious folks. I might have to change belief systems, the atheist folk seem to have a lot more fun.

Posted by: Billy joe bob at December 22, 2007 04:02 PM

72 Virgins is that not a worldly concept so why dont they offer a rolls royce as well and hey what about a life insurance plan now that would be a pure contradiction.

Posted by: im shur at January 25, 2008 07:45 AM

if u got 72 virgins and died when you got to 23 would you get 72 more? cause i know i would kill myself at abotu 22

Posted by: jack at April 26, 2008 01:48 AM

The problem is, EVERY Muslim has to share the SAME 72 "virgins" - they're the 72 she-devils from the old testament; Catholicism calls them "Erynes" or "Succubus" - a demon disguised in Human flesh. They're "Always" virgins, or at least, they always BLEED when you fu** 'em.... But then they rend your flesh, and burn you in the fire. That's why there's always 72 available--all those poor terrorists get one and only one shot at the whole lot of 'em, and then it's off to Hell for all eternity!

-- the SASS Man

Posted by: the SASS Man at April 29, 2008 07:00 AM

You know it doesn't say anything about 72 virgins in the Koran right?

Still a funny list though

Posted by: Taylor at September 22, 2008 12:04 PM

> Taylor said:
> "You know it doesn't say anything about 72 virgins in the Koran right?"

Taylor, I don't know if there's something in the Koran about 72 virgins or not.

But it doesn't really matter - the Palestinian homicide/suicide bombers from the Islamic Jihad, Hamas, and other terrorist groups that blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins when they reach heaven.

Many of these murderers do believe they are getting 72 virgins, regardless of whether the Koran says something about that or not.

Posted by: David Melle at September 22, 2008 03:13 PM

I'll take two flaming whores over seventy-two virgins ANY DAY!

Posted by: Jonny Bartlett at November 27, 2008 10:47 PM

72 virgins are fine, but does quran or whatever book it is, definitely confirms you get to deflower them !!!
Mate, I aint gonna blow myself if 72 virgins are to be given in "no touching" mode.

Posted by: jimmy at December 8, 2008 05:10 PM

i dont get if u have 72 virgins do any of them have stds. or dou split them up into groups.wat if u got all 72 pregnant is there child support in fuckedupcrazy islam land.

Posted by: zach at April 1, 2009 12:19 AM

why does something that was made just as black humour and a quick laugh always end up being an arguement on religion?

You can tell this guy didn't put much planning into it because a few of the first ones do make you contemplate, bit after those rare few it just gets desperately lame

oh and btw 24: no he wouldnt get anything he would go to hell for being a pedefile

Posted by: jordan at July 18, 2009 10:45 PM

Virgins...I want 72 experienced women. Who wants to have sex with all the crying all the time.

Posted by: Geoff at September 11, 2010 06:11 PM

Answer to question #72:

These 80,000 servants you will get along with the 72 virgins according to the same hadith.

Posted by: Runn at November 1, 2010 01:56 PM

Arafat got his 72 virgins, and they turned out to be all guys. Arafat was the only 'girl' there. Boy was he one sorry asshole.

Posted by: Karl at December 3, 2010 01:29 PM

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